The worse the nightmares are at night, the better my hair looks in the morning. Why is that? O_o lol Now if I could get my hair to do this fabulous thing on cue... Well, here I am, it's the final day of the holiday as far as I'm concerned and I've gotten an amazing amount of work done. I don't think anyone who isn't in the graphic design world really knows how much work this is.. It's very stressful redesigning pieces for a show, laying out the wall just so (in my case, to accommodate ten feet of space), creating a portfolio that's designed well, a logo book, retouching two 3D packaging projects, hand printing, mounting and cutting 160 business cards... that's not all either! And, to be realistic, that's only HALF of the work I have to do before I walk. So for all of those giving me a hard time for not spending time with you, please give me a break.

Overall, things are coming together well. I am feeling better and less chaotic about the completion of everything. I have, officially, 5 more days to do whatever I need to do to get ready for the show. Printing and mounting, pictures, stitching together my logo book.. I also need to find a business card holder. Ah, who am I kidding. I've been to about 5 or 6 places looking for "the one" and I can't find it! Ideally, I would like a small, unfinished wooden one that I can stain made specifically for vertical cards (since that's what I have), but not even that. So... if it comes to it, I may not have one at all. Who says I can't just fan the cards out next to my leave behind? I don't see the problem with it. I start to second-guess myself...

I'm starting to get all kinds of uneasy feelings in my personal life lately. I can deal with a certain degree of distress in my life. Is it sad that I can do that? I think it is. I don't know why, but my ex boyfriend has contacted me again. I've have my reservations about why, only time will tell what will come of it. I'm happy to say that Kairi is back on his feet again. I think he's sorted out his feelings and his situations.. so, hopefully we'll both reside in calm waters for quite some time. Wouldn't that be nice? I kind of feel uneasy about this girl I'm seeing. With school being the way it is, it's left me unable to see her and spend time with her in the next couple of weeks. I really do hope she's different. I don't want to go through with her what I've been through with other people concerning this matter in the past. -_- Only person I've been with who, when they say they understand, really does mean that and they are fine with waiting. That person, of course, is Sachi. She and I, I'm happy to say this as well, are at an agreement. Things are calm right now and defined, I'm feeling a lot more at peace because of it.

Christmas is on the horizon. WHAT? NO!! I know, it's that time of year. ...Again. Why is it that this holiday is the only one that completely sneaks up on me? No matter how much I plan ( and I've already been stocking up on gifts since my birthday --haha ) I know, like every year, I'll be hunting for something fabulous at the last goddamn minute. I've already received a couple of gifts myself! I'm all about early surprises. Many thanks to those early gift-givers.




Well, I need to dash. More to come later.



JR

What a day... or two. To start off, Friday the 20th was the OSBDC Gallery opening (yes, with the cutting of the red ribbon with giant scissors and everything) featuring the graphic design work of the fall 2009 InkTank class. The work specifically focused on branding as well as showcasing our most recent works. Our professor requested files of our work (pictures or actual print documents) so she was the one who compiled all of our things, selecting what was to be put in. I was surprised to see that I had a lot of work up. The Three Sisters poster I created ended up being printed in three different newspapers which was a wonderful surprise, also, it was featured in the gallery. To see how well the gallery turned out was a proud moment. The opening housed many key people of the community that I had no idea would actually be there, so it was a little intimidating to be recognized in front of all these important people. I'm exhilarated that the graphic design department got such tremendous exposure.


Unfortunately, my better half, Kairi, hasn't been having "exhilarating" moments lately. Things between him and this girl he loves got bad the other night and now they're not really speaking, or, better to say.. Kairi isn't having any of it from her. I completely support him 110% in this decision he made with her.. I'm SO proud of him for standing up to her abuse. This girl has always been sweet and loving, now just decides to emotionally torment him on a whim these days. It's not who she is, at least it's not what I thought. It's not what Kairi thought either. She lashed out at him for NO reason (well there was a reason, but she absolutely refused to talk about it which was really immature of her) finally Kairi said "enough." The poor boy is still in love with her, I guess he always will be (I know how that is) but he needed to get away from that abuse. I can only imagine the stress he was under putting up with her shit and still standing by her. But there's always a line to be crossed for everything. After he left, he came to me and I'm glad he did. We talked and I listened to everything he said. I don't agree with a lot of points he made, but I can see where he's coming from. It's just unfortunate that this girl had to lie to him, consistently lie to him, and play games with his heart. How could a person be so cruel? While we talked, I saw a tremendous side to him that night I know he keeps hidden away. He means the word to me. I kept telling him he just needs to move on and he knows I'm right. Kiyoko (Yaya) is just like this girl he loves (only without all the hostility and abuse) and I've been trying to convince him he should go back to her. I mean, for God's sake, Kiyoko cried and tried to get him to leave this other girl the first time she lashed out at Kairi. What does that say about Kiyoko? She and I want the best for our boy.


Hopefully Kairi will take my advice and sort things out with Kiyoko. Then, maybe, we can both have some promise in our lives. On the same hand, I've met a wonderful girl this weekend. We had a great evening and the best part is I'll be seeing her again in a few days. I could get use to this. I just love her voice most of all. She's got a great sense of humor and a wonderful laugh. Seeing her again will definitely start the holiday off right for me.


Progression of the show is going well. I'm getting a lot done fairly quickly. My greatest achievement was printing, dry mounting, and hand cutting 160 business cards in ONE evening. I had no idea I could do something so quickly! So for any of you who would like to contact me for graphic design purposes, please do so, and if you would like a card, I have more than enough to go around. Time to get back to work.


More to come later.

JR

I feel so sorry for Kairi and all the things he's going through. Quite like Lady Justice holding a balance, one aspect of life is high, one is low. I love him to death, I really do, but he's probably the most complicated person I've ever known. I know it's not easy for him to be in the position he's in which is waiting for a girl to decide who she's wants to be with, him or someone else. It's not fair, no, I've been in that position a few times and I hate them. Every time it seems I'm competing against someone else for a person I just walk away. It's an absolute horrid position to be put in and it's very degrading, so that's why I'd rather not have part in them. To me, personally, I think it's ridiculous. I commend Kairi for hanging in there as I know he feels incredibly lost and very emotionally drained, but if he really wants something he needs to fight for it. I know he doesn't know how to fight for someone and that he's really trying the best he can. Love letters, emotions, apologies, etc. aren't exactly his strong point. I know he's happy that he's getting to talk with this girl he likes so much about important topics (something that was a problem for them before) and that communication between them is so much better than it use to be. As I've talked with him about what he's going through, I tried to be kind, but truthful when bringing up how karma is playing such a huge role in all this. He can't expect someone to come back to him after treating them so horribly. Life doesn't work like that and if it turns out that he loses someone he cares about, he has no one to blame but himself and he should learn from his mistakes. I know he can.


Because of Kairi, I've been revisiting a lot of my past relationships in conversations with him. Seems like I won't ever find the right person for me, but that doesn't keep me from trying! Although I don't have time for a relationship, I try to date as much as time allows. This weekend I'm finally getting to meet someone and the closer it gets, the better I feel. The thing I absolutely love about dating is the chance I get of meeting someone new, finding out who they are and if there is any chemistry between us. Dinner conversation I think is my favorite thing.... well... face to face talking mainly.


My work for the design show is going very well and I'm proud of all the progression. Although I keep second-guessing what I should put in the show, I know I'm not short on things to put in it. I was nervous about that before, but it made me feel great that I got so much positive feedback from the faculty about my work. I've yet to make an appointment with one of my favorite professors, my mentor (＾∇＾) to review with her my selections for the show. I might be overlooking something or forgetting about something though that seems impossible because I've been looking at this for so long! Either way, there is an unbelievable amount of work I've yet to finish, but I know I can get it done. Now is the time to work hard, stay determined, and for God's sake not give up on anything. I'll make a success out of all this! Thinking about how all this will turn out has me SO excited. I can't wait.




JR

Dear online and offline stalkers of mine,


Please stop.


Thank you,
JJ

I have 4 more weeks to go. Wow.. I think it's finally sinking in just how close I am to my degree. Also the much needed time off too! Even though I'll have time off, I'm sure I'll be traveling many many places. One trip I am looking forward to is returning to Hawaii. This time, I'm not sure that I'll come back! Yes, much to see and do after I graduate. Wow, I can't wait! As of now, I've been offered by the department chair some interviews with people in a few design companies in Dallas, but I've yet to see how that will turn out. I was caught off-guard one day with that proposition (if I was interested to be set up with these interviews) and I am, but at the same time I expected things in my life to go so differently. This potential sets my time line about a year or two ahead of expectations! I can deal with that. :) But my only concern now is my planned two or three months off and how that fits into this opportunity. I don't want to miss out on either, but I really think if I jump straight from school into a job, I will most likely spontaneously combust. And I'd rather not go through that. Quite messy. I've gone back to having plans about my future, but putting the time line aside and not really taking steps to make anything happen at the moment. A few months ago I was looking toward putting things into action like getting a house, a dog and a cat, etc., but something tells me that if a job comes up for me in Dallas not to go through with anything just yet. So right now, it's one day at a time.



JR

 The end of this week has been stormy, cloudy, and cool and I couldn't be happier.  The progression of the week has been nothing but good after tuesday.  Yes.  Tuesday.  That was the peak of disappointment.  It never ceases to amaze me how my ex's can be the way most of them are.  Childish.  I can't say I didn't see it coming, immature people I know best because it seems to be all I deal with in my life.  Nevertheless it is still disappointing the choices people make.  Starting fights, putting blame on someone else just to get out of something.  What he did was an overused trick pulled out of the hat, I'd say.  But by the end of the day I was laughing because it's all so ridiculous. 

The good that came out of it was learning what I could and just leaving it all behind me.  There are no mistakes, just learning experiences.   Who needs to dwell on it?  And why?  I also had amazing support and a lot of opportunity to talk to many people about it.  Now that it's over, other doors have opened, but I'm spending a lot of time trying to decide what I want.  Even though I feel sparks with one girl in particular, I'm not so sure another relationship right away is the answer.  If one thing should stick from my most recent ex, it's not to rush.  Seems all the people I date are so pushy about certain things, all different things.  Beware of the person who asks you what you're looking for in someone, then when you (stupidly -_-) tell them, they insist they are all of those things.  

Projects in all my classes is going very well.  I'm very excited about the progression of things!  Finally things are turning out SO well for me.  My work is finally making me proud and happy about showing it to others.  I know I'm in the right spot in my life because this is not work to me so much as something I really enjoy doing and I am enjoying it all.  Call me a nerd or whathave you.  One of the only other things I enjoy more is seeing a good movie.  I have to bring this up, but I'm dying to see Inglorious Bastards again.  I've seen it twice already and I cannot get enough of it.  That may have a lot to do with Roth, I will admit I just fell in love at first sight.  I mean, I have seen him in other movies, but not like this.  Friends make a good point, because of my obsession with Quinto, they point out how much Roth looks like him.  He might as well be Quinto's evil twin.  Certainly a very interesting person off screen, I think I'd love to meet him some day.  Conversation over dinner with Quinto and drinks after with him and Roth.  Sounds like an evening in heaven for me.

More to come later.

JR

 I'm already 3 weeks into classes and it feels like twice that long.  But I'm not complaining, I love it.  I feel better.  I've done more work in these past few short weeks than I did in twice the amount of time last semester.  Something new I'm going to try is meditation this semester.  I'm sure most of you out there are laughing to yourself a little right now.  Yes, it's because I know it will be beneficial during the progression of my last semester, but there are more reasons than just that even though it is the main concern I have at this point.  I want to try for at least half an hour of meditation twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.  We'll see where I'm at in 4 weeks.  Another reason for the meditation is to potentially help boost my patience when dealing with frustrating situations.  I took my first asprin of the semester today, but not for the reason most of you are thinking of.  Instead, I gauged my ears again today.  The next step up was a bit of a leap!  It was the right gauging, but the diameter was so much larger than I expected, I had to recheck the size of the tapers twice before putting them in.  Luckily I didn't tear the shit out of my ears this time.  I have vitamin E to think for that.  With each chapter of my life ending and a new one beginning, I feel a transformation take place inside me that positively shows itself outwardly in my everyday appearance.  It's going to be an interesting season.  I like where I'm at right now.  I like being on my own.  6 months from now I want to be unpacking in my house.  Mine.  My first home.  My dream of owning a home is so close I can taste it and I'm about to go crazy waiting for it to come.  I've thus started an official list on my Facebook page of things I want to do when I graduate and I plan on checking off every single one.  They are all attainable goals and I plan to make them come to pass. 

To be continued..


JR

I am. I'm up to speed. I have my internship completed with even some time left over to sleep and have some fun before the fall semester starts next week. No one told me that at some point your internal clock takes over and wakes you up at a certain time every morning. I'm at that point. For the past week of freedom I pretty much fail at sleeping in. Is this my new life? I like it. I was a little disconsolate towards the end of the 160 hours as I had accomplished a lot and found the time spent with the people there something to look forward to. However, there is promise for me in the future of that company. I'm looking forward to that.



I can already feel autumn coming in the air when I wake up in the morning. Even though the weather as it is now isn't stopping me from dressing to jump the gun with almost impetuosity decisions which are sure to land me lying passed out on the sidewalk someday, I'm so concerted. I get this way every season around my birthday, a sort of efficacious restless quality that forces me to live in the moment. In the fall I feel I really come alive and this season is the time to enjoy every minute. With someone by my side I feel I have something else to live for. I've always been career-driven and focused on school, but with someone I love along for the ride I find a lot of what I thought was dead in me come back to life. That willingness to live and love for someone, open myself up, truly, was here all along. I thought it died years ago. Fascinating.



This season so much is being brought to the surface. I'm trying my best not to jump the gun when it comes to looking for homes. I badly want a place of my own and I plan that up to 6 months from now I'll be in it. Furniture and all. I'm unsure of what kind of home I want, but I can't help but look now. Now that the time for me to factor that into my "life plan" is finally here. I'm drawing up tattoos as the day progresses and hope to make them a permanent part of my life within the next few weeks. If I don't get this done soon, I will explode. I promise.



Something else surprising to me, Roberts became French almost overnight. Even though I question it, at the same time I feel a spontaneous musing to pick up something to accompany his sorted rusty aesthetic. Maybe further north. Who am I kidding? I don't need another reason to be quirky. But if someone said to me "you live a normal life" not only would I disagree, I would think very lowly of their observation skills. But Roberts is content, not that I think I should follow in his footsteps, but it would be fun to be silly together for a season. We should catch up.



More to come. JR

Confidence is everything. When I called for an appointment for an interview at the design firm, I ended up being offered one a day later than I expected. The first thing that I thought was that this would give me an extra day to make my portfolio amazing and that there was no reason it shouldn't blow them away. I used my time and put together a professionally constructed, printed, and bound portfolio with a matching leave-behind résumé and business card. I was (and still am) very happy with it. So I went into the interview, knowing that this was the best I had to offer. I quickly found out that many of my friends were coming in for an interview, too. Maybe 6 or 7 of them and there were only 2 maybe 3 spots open for internships. I met with the president of the company as well as the art director and the interview only lasted about 10 minutes altogether. As soon as the president closed my portfolio he offered me the internship. I think my heart skipped! I wasn't expecting an answer right away because of all the interviews they had lined up. I could definitely say my ambitions and attention to my work made a difference and paid off. I've completed my first week in the office and so far I love it there.



My summer class is going better than I expected. I'm typically running behind and up to the last minute, but so far I've always been running right on time. EVEN while I was panicking, trying to put together my portfolio for this internship interview! I was amazed as there was only one unsure time I experienced because I wasn't sure I would have enough time to complete a project, but I didn't want to take the easy way out so I told myself to go ahead and get it done anyway without asking for an extension. And I pulled it all off. That felt amazing. Now, I'm ahead of schedule which must be a first.



Thank you to everyone who encouraged me and helped me along the way. Justin, who drove to xpedx and got the paper for my portfolio, résumé, and business card and who let me borrow his portfolio. Brandon, who printed and printed even staying an hour late for me to print some more! Without the two of you, I know I could never have pulled any of this off. Thank you to everyone else, I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that I do.



More to come. JR.

Maybe miracles happen every day and I am blind to most that occur. I'm not sure. I have been experiencing a surprising and wonderful turn of events in my life, that I am certain of.



Where to begin.



I'm not even sure where is a good starting point. I'm wrapping up the project for my very first client which is exciting in of itself. I conferred with her a week ago about the project and since she will be out of the country for a month I have that long to finish my work. Might as well be an eternity! Not that I'm not appreciative of it because with the way other things are shaping in my life right now, that extra long deadline will fit in perfectly. I also briefly contracted a pro bono client I worked with for only a week, but out of that I gained a great portfolio piece in the form of a logo.



Two days ago, the department chair called in me into his office and on the way there my mind kept running through all the potential problems he might bring up. Oh, what would I have to straighten out this time? Instead, the meeting with him was anything but problematic. He brought to my attention that one of the top design firms in the state is currently looking for interns. Based on his roster, I was a candidate because I had yet to find any internship (I had my plan all worked out for my internship to hopefully take place mid-month in July). He took that roster to another professor (whom I inimitably admire) and asked her, since she works at the firm, out of the students on the roster, who might make the best fit for the internship? I was absolutely astounded when she suggested my name! So, the chair gave me a phone number to contact about the internship and away I went on cloud nine. I called the number and politely asked for more time to get my portfolio together after being asked if I could come into the firm on monday.. I was told to take my time so I will be looking forward to an interview possibly tuesday or wednesday at the latest. When I spoke of this to some friends who have already graduated before me, I felt even more excited when they expressed what a great achievement it was to even be considered for this internship. It's a big deal to me either way (honestly, I didn't want to even try for this internship in the first place because I never thought I would qualify and it was unquestionably out of my reach), but to hear it from other designers, I'm positively titillated.



Tonight I am diving back into (what has gradually become) unknown waters -- going on a date with a boy. I can't remember when I (willingly) dated someone who wasn't female, I'm almost feeling a bit lost. I'm sure after I pick out the right clothes and fix my hair, I'll feel more confidant about the night. I'm actually looking forward to it, though. He's a great friend and I know I'll enjoy myself and be in good company. I enjoy spending time with him as is, why not throw the official word into the mix and call it date? It's interesting to see where life takes me.



Much to do in the upcoming week! Thank you to all who have encouraged me and been beside me through this all. More updates to come. JR.