I wake up, by alarm (which I'm more than blase about these days, but this one in particular I'm not too fond of..), I need to jump in the shower and be ready for a call that will whisk me to an unknown location at any given moment.... but all I want to do is sit, listen to music, drink coffee, and blog. Imagine that. This is most likely to be my last post before my vacation to Hawaii. How exciting. But nothing says typical vacation like a set of problems beforehand. (I found all these old emoticons in a file of mine I collected years ago.... they amuse me so I thought I'd share) Unfortunately, life is full of these little buggers. What can you do.

Not that I'm complaining about having two clients. Yeah, two. I got another two days ago and even though I'll be bringing my sketchbook on vacation, that's definitely not a bad thing. It'll give me something to work on while on the plane.

I'm really enjoying having a house to myself when I wake up and then having two roommates who come home in the evening. Been going through weird things in my life, finding out a bff isn't all it's cracked up to be and turned out being very one-sided. That's okay, tho. Finding people who I can count on is a difficult thing! I always find the people who are the neediest bitches it seems. lol But I've decided not to do anymore heavy lifting when it comes to friendships or relationships and if it turns out that way well so be it. It's definitely not the end of the world. Last thing I'm going to do is waste time worrying about it.

I have found the perfect pair of jeans. They actually exist. The Easy Straight. Best jeans ever made. Period. I got them about a week ago and I cannot stop wearing them. Not that I sleep in them, I'm not that bad, but I have considered it.

Well, I guess I need to start being a responsible person and go get ready for this supposed call...

More to come later.


JR

A little more than three weeks and I'll be in sunny Honolulu. I'll be coming back after St. Valentine's Day weekend. The flights and hotel reservations were made today. Suddenly it's becoming real and I'm so excited. In the past couple of weeks, my problems have absconded leaving me with nothing but great anticipation for the things to come. The last real vacation I had was the summer after I graduated high school. Wow.. long time ago. And that vacation was to Hawaii. This upcoming vacation is so important to me for so many reasons, especially who I'm going with. I can hardly wait. Especially for a tan.

It's done. I'm now officially a college graduate. I endured the ceremony, the party, and the aftermath and now finally have two days off to myself. In this short time I'm starting to hear what's really going on in this life outside of school. And I don't like it. I almost wish I was back in school just so I wouldn't have to deal with the problems that are now all around me. But I can't go back, can I? What's worse is knowing that no matter who I have around me right now, I truly feel like I am on my own. People don't genuinely care about one another these days, care about what they're going through and how they feel and I somehow think I'm different, but the truth is I'm not. No matter who says "I love you" or "I care about you" to me, their definitions of those feelings are completely different than mine. I hope that my problems are fixed so they go away so I can enjoy my months of time off. I would fix them myself, but the tragedy is there's nothing I can do. Everything would be solved if people would just meet me halfway. But no one knows what that means.

I think a lot of this weird mood I'm in has to do with Rita. I guess her murder affected me more than I ever thought it would. I guess, over time, she started to mean a lot to me in a lot of different ways, more than I realized. Now she's gone. I've always and will always have such a weak spot for women like her. I wonder if she was absolutely the definition of perfection in my eyes. Or damn near close to.

The show is officially over and what a success. Wow. It was as great as I hoped it would be. There were so many people there it was hard to talk to make it from one end of the gallery to the next. So many people got to come visit it was great. I almost went through all of my business cards, too. I wasn't expecting that so I might be needing to make more sometime in the near future. Nearly everyone asked me this question last night, but yes, I'm very relieved that I'm done with the show. Not that I'm anywhere done with school yet. I have a hell of a lot of work ahead of me yet. At the show I got flowers as well as I beautiful necklace as an early graduation gift.. .. what a great night. For soooo many reasons. And thank you to Kyle for the very serious beer.

I'm having the hardest time trying to concentrate lately. I know why. Although a lot is going on in my last days at the university, a lot is happening in my life overall. Taking time to think things over has proven to be a good thing. I've rushed into too many situations in my life that I shouldn't have and I've paid the price for it, but who says I have to hurry up and make a decision about anything? I'M the one always saying be true to yourself and follow your heart.. and here I was not doing any of that. But not only can I say I'm at fault, but most people in my life need something to happen RIGHT THEN. So I get pressured into make a decision I probably shouldn't have. I've been trying to take my time and figure out what to do about my situation with this girl I was seeing. At first I wanted to not even think about what to do until after I graduated, but forcing myself not to think about something that troubles me is nearly impossible. I made a choice about staying single until I graduated. I've already made the mistake of not sticking to that choice once earlier this semester, I'm not willing to do it again. Not when I'm this close to graduation. Hell, it's less than a week now. When this situation came about with this girl a little less than a week ago, I just knew it was a sign to back off and I did. It's not something I want to deal with while trying to finish out a very stressful and busy couple of weeks of my college career. But I have been thinking and everything is finally becoming clearer for me and much more defined. I couldn't stop my mind from racing and by now, I think the choice is clear what to do. Now I'm just confused how to go about communicating this lol bah. I really should work. -_- Key word: should.


More to come later.

JR

The worse the nightmares are at night, the better my hair looks in the morning. Why is that? O_o lol Now if I could get my hair to do this fabulous thing on cue... Well, here I am, it's the final day of the holiday as far as I'm concerned and I've gotten an amazing amount of work done. I don't think anyone who isn't in the graphic design world really knows how much work this is.. It's very stressful redesigning pieces for a show, laying out the wall just so (in my case, to accommodate ten feet of space), creating a portfolio that's designed well, a logo book, retouching two 3D packaging projects, hand printing, mounting and cutting 160 business cards... that's not all either! And, to be realistic, that's only HALF of the work I have to do before I walk. So for all of those giving me a hard time for not spending time with you, please give me a break.

Overall, things are coming together well. I am feeling better and less chaotic about the completion of everything. I have, officially, 5 more days to do whatever I need to do to get ready for the show. Printing and mounting, pictures, stitching together my logo book.. I also need to find a business card holder. Ah, who am I kidding. I've been to about 5 or 6 places looking for "the one" and I can't find it! Ideally, I would like a small, unfinished wooden one that I can stain made specifically for vertical cards (since that's what I have), but not even that. So... if it comes to it, I may not have one at all. Who says I can't just fan the cards out next to my leave behind? I don't see the problem with it. I start to second-guess myself...

I'm starting to get all kinds of uneasy feelings in my personal life lately. I can deal with a certain degree of distress in my life. Is it sad that I can do that? I think it is. I don't know why, but my ex boyfriend has contacted me again. I've have my reservations about why, only time will tell what will come of it. I'm happy to say that Kairi is back on his feet again. I think he's sorted out his feelings and his situations.. so, hopefully we'll both reside in calm waters for quite some time. Wouldn't that be nice? I kind of feel uneasy about this girl I'm seeing. With school being the way it is, it's left me unable to see her and spend time with her in the next couple of weeks. I really do hope she's different. I don't want to go through with her what I've been through with other people concerning this matter in the past. -_- Only person I've been with who, when they say they understand, really does mean that and they are fine with waiting. That person, of course, is Sachi. She and I, I'm happy to say this as well, are at an agreement. Things are calm right now and defined, I'm feeling a lot more at peace because of it.

Christmas is on the horizon. WHAT? NO!! I know, it's that time of year. ...Again. Why is it that this holiday is the only one that completely sneaks up on me? No matter how much I plan ( and I've already been stocking up on gifts since my birthday --haha ) I know, like every year, I'll be hunting for something fabulous at the last goddamn minute. I've already received a couple of gifts myself! I'm all about early surprises. Many thanks to those early gift-givers.




Well, I need to dash. More to come later.



JR

What a day... or two. To start off, Friday the 20th was the OSBDC Gallery opening (yes, with the cutting of the red ribbon with giant scissors and everything) featuring the graphic design work of the fall 2009 InkTank class. The work specifically focused on branding as well as showcasing our most recent works. Our professor requested files of our work (pictures or actual print documents) so she was the one who compiled all of our things, selecting what was to be put in. I was surprised to see that I had a lot of work up. The Three Sisters poster I created ended up being printed in three different newspapers which was a wonderful surprise, also, it was featured in the gallery. To see how well the gallery turned out was a proud moment. The opening housed many key people of the community that I had no idea would actually be there, so it was a little intimidating to be recognized in front of all these important people. I'm exhilarated that the graphic design department got such tremendous exposure.


Unfortunately, my better half, Kairi, hasn't been having "exhilarating" moments lately. Things between him and this girl he loves got bad the other night and now they're not really speaking, or, better to say.. Kairi isn't having any of it from her. I completely support him 110% in this decision he made with her.. I'm SO proud of him for standing up to her abuse. This girl has always been sweet and loving, now just decides to emotionally torment him on a whim these days. It's not who she is, at least it's not what I thought. It's not what Kairi thought either. She lashed out at him for NO reason (well there was a reason, but she absolutely refused to talk about it which was really immature of her) finally Kairi said "enough." The poor boy is still in love with her, I guess he always will be (I know how that is) but he needed to get away from that abuse. I can only imagine the stress he was under putting up with her shit and still standing by her. But there's always a line to be crossed for everything. After he left, he came to me and I'm glad he did. We talked and I listened to everything he said. I don't agree with a lot of points he made, but I can see where he's coming from. It's just unfortunate that this girl had to lie to him, consistently lie to him, and play games with his heart. How could a person be so cruel? While we talked, I saw a tremendous side to him that night I know he keeps hidden away. He means the word to me. I kept telling him he just needs to move on and he knows I'm right. Kiyoko (Yaya) is just like this girl he loves (only without all the hostility and abuse) and I've been trying to convince him he should go back to her. I mean, for God's sake, Kiyoko cried and tried to get him to leave this other girl the first time she lashed out at Kairi. What does that say about Kiyoko? She and I want the best for our boy.


Hopefully Kairi will take my advice and sort things out with Kiyoko. Then, maybe, we can both have some promise in our lives. On the same hand, I've met a wonderful girl this weekend. We had a great evening and the best part is I'll be seeing her again in a few days. I could get use to this. I just love her voice most of all. She's got a great sense of humor and a wonderful laugh. Seeing her again will definitely start the holiday off right for me.


Progression of the show is going well. I'm getting a lot done fairly quickly. My greatest achievement was printing, dry mounting, and hand cutting 160 business cards in ONE evening. I had no idea I could do something so quickly! So for any of you who would like to contact me for graphic design purposes, please do so, and if you would like a card, I have more than enough to go around. Time to get back to work.


More to come later.

JR

I feel so sorry for Kairi and all the things he's going through. Quite like Lady Justice holding a balance, one aspect of life is high, one is low. I love him to death, I really do, but he's probably the most complicated person I've ever known. I know it's not easy for him to be in the position he's in which is waiting for a girl to decide who she's wants to be with, him or someone else. It's not fair, no, I've been in that position a few times and I hate them. Every time it seems I'm competing against someone else for a person I just walk away. It's an absolute horrid position to be put in and it's very degrading, so that's why I'd rather not have part in them. To me, personally, I think it's ridiculous. I commend Kairi for hanging in there as I know he feels incredibly lost and very emotionally drained, but if he really wants something he needs to fight for it. I know he doesn't know how to fight for someone and that he's really trying the best he can. Love letters, emotions, apologies, etc. aren't exactly his strong point. I know he's happy that he's getting to talk with this girl he likes so much about important topics (something that was a problem for them before) and that communication between them is so much better than it use to be. As I've talked with him about what he's going through, I tried to be kind, but truthful when bringing up how karma is playing such a huge role in all this. He can't expect someone to come back to him after treating them so horribly. Life doesn't work like that and if it turns out that he loses someone he cares about, he has no one to blame but himself and he should learn from his mistakes. I know he can.


Because of Kairi, I've been revisiting a lot of my past relationships in conversations with him. Seems like I won't ever find the right person for me, but that doesn't keep me from trying! Although I don't have time for a relationship, I try to date as much as time allows. This weekend I'm finally getting to meet someone and the closer it gets, the better I feel. The thing I absolutely love about dating is the chance I get of meeting someone new, finding out who they are and if there is any chemistry between us. Dinner conversation I think is my favorite thing.... well... face to face talking mainly.


My work for the design show is going very well and I'm proud of all the progression. Although I keep second-guessing what I should put in the show, I know I'm not short on things to put in it. I was nervous about that before, but it made me feel great that I got so much positive feedback from the faculty about my work. I've yet to make an appointment with one of my favorite professors, my mentor (＾∇＾) to review with her my selections for the show. I might be overlooking something or forgetting about something though that seems impossible because I've been looking at this for so long! Either way, there is an unbelievable amount of work I've yet to finish, but I know I can get it done. Now is the time to work hard, stay determined, and for God's sake not give up on anything. I'll make a success out of all this! Thinking about how all this will turn out has me SO excited. I can't wait.




JR

Dear online and offline stalkers of mine,


Please stop.


Thank you,
JJ

I have 4 more weeks to go. Wow.. I think it's finally sinking in just how close I am to my degree. Also the much needed time off too! Even though I'll have time off, I'm sure I'll be traveling many many places. One trip I am looking forward to is returning to Hawaii. This time, I'm not sure that I'll come back! Yes, much to see and do after I graduate. Wow, I can't wait! As of now, I've been offered by the department chair some interviews with people in a few design companies in Dallas, but I've yet to see how that will turn out. I was caught off-guard one day with that proposition (if I was interested to be set up with these interviews) and I am, but at the same time I expected things in my life to go so differently. This potential sets my time line about a year or two ahead of expectations! I can deal with that. :) But my only concern now is my planned two or three months off and how that fits into this opportunity. I don't want to miss out on either, but I really think if I jump straight from school into a job, I will most likely spontaneously combust. And I'd rather not go through that. Quite messy. I've gone back to having plans about my future, but putting the time line aside and not really taking steps to make anything happen at the moment. A few months ago I was looking toward putting things into action like getting a house, a dog and a cat, etc., but something tells me that if a job comes up for me in Dallas not to go through with anything just yet. So right now, it's one day at a time.



JR

 The end of this week has been stormy, cloudy, and cool and I couldn't be happier.  The progression of the week has been nothing but good after tuesday.  Yes.  Tuesday.  That was the peak of disappointment.  It never ceases to amaze me how my ex's can be the way most of them are.  Childish.  I can't say I didn't see it coming, immature people I know best because it seems to be all I deal with in my life.  Nevertheless it is still disappointing the choices people make.  Starting fights, putting blame on someone else just to get out of something.  What he did was an overused trick pulled out of the hat, I'd say.  But by the end of the day I was laughing because it's all so ridiculous. 

The good that came out of it was learning what I could and just leaving it all behind me.  There are no mistakes, just learning experiences.   Who needs to dwell on it?  And why?  I also had amazing support and a lot of opportunity to talk to many people about it.  Now that it's over, other doors have opened, but I'm spending a lot of time trying to decide what I want.  Even though I feel sparks with one girl in particular, I'm not so sure another relationship right away is the answer.  If one thing should stick from my most recent ex, it's not to rush.  Seems all the people I date are so pushy about certain things, all different things.  Beware of the person who asks you what you're looking for in someone, then when you (stupidly -_-) tell them, they insist they are all of those things.  

Projects in all my classes is going very well.  I'm very excited about the progression of things!  Finally things are turning out SO well for me.  My work is finally making me proud and happy about showing it to others.  I know I'm in the right spot in my life because this is not work to me so much as something I really enjoy doing and I am enjoying it all.  Call me a nerd or whathave you.  One of the only other things I enjoy more is seeing a good movie.  I have to bring this up, but I'm dying to see Inglorious Bastards again.  I've seen it twice already and I cannot get enough of it.  That may have a lot to do with Roth, I will admit I just fell in love at first sight.  I mean, I have seen him in other movies, but not like this.  Friends make a good point, because of my obsession with Quinto, they point out how much Roth looks like him.  He might as well be Quinto's evil twin.  Certainly a very interesting person off screen, I think I'd love to meet him some day.  Conversation over dinner with Quinto and drinks after with him and Roth.  Sounds like an evening in heaven for me.

More to come later.

JR